Our Babies

Our Babies
Luke and Claire

"Welcome to Holland"


By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Friday, July 7, 2017

When Paths Cross

I always say that "things happen for a reason", and this typically drives Patrick nuts. However, after today, I think he's turning into a believer.

No one enjoys waiting for a medical appointment - let alone one of those "Big" appointments where some tough conversations need to happen. Claire has been losing weight for the past few months, and the doctors just don't understand. At our last nutrition appointment we were advised that we had "tried every nutritional option" and we needed to begin considering "alternative options". Translation: we were back to square one of considering a GI tube...and the doctor was 1.5 hours late for our appointment.

Let me just say - I love this doctor. He came out to tell me he was working some difficult cases, and he had not forgotten about us. He anticipated our appointment taking a bit longer as well.

Until we put Claire on the scale.

She gained 1.6 pounds since last month - more than she typically gains in an entire year.

We all stood there staring at the scale. "Am I in the right room???" joked the doctor.

Totally not how we thought the day would go. So, we went through our typical routine, and we sat there going over every detail since our last visit, and we decided that it was the combination of meds, coconut oil, emulsified oil, and dietary supplement that she gets at least 3-5 times each day. Her body has finally healed enough and we have just the right balance...for now.

But....the story gets better:

When we decided to move to a prescription for the emulsified oil, the doctor needed to consult with the nutritionist, so he went down the hall to her office and said, "Hey, I have a question about Claire Godinez." As they began talking, the pediatric metabolic geneticist poked her head around the door and asked, "Are you talking about Claire Godinez from Tripler?? (military hospital in Hawaii). Our doctor only knew that we had come from Louisiana, so he came back to the room and asked, "Hey...weird question, but were you ever in Hawaii?"

"Yeah. When Claire was 8 months old. We joined Patrick on his 'deployment' so Claire could get different medical care."

"Well, you're never going to believe this, but Janet is here."

In walked our Hawaiian miracle doctor. When Shreveport had written off Claire and made a grim prognosis, she was the first who gave us a glimmer of hope.  She was the doctor who insisted on additional testing, coordinated meetings with other doctors, and quickly ruled out the horrible, scary things that LSU doctors had diagnosed.

In the midst of my minor meltdown, I asked how she possibly recognized Claire's name from a simple passing comment.

"You're not really a family that someone forgets," she joked.

Nope. Not today. And luckily, it was for a good reason. You never know when your path may cross with someone from the past, and you never know when Claire might surprise us all.

Here is the full story from our visit in Hawaii:

http://patrickmelissaandfamily.blogspot.com/2013/01/a-christmas-story-little-late.html