Our Babies

Our Babies
Luke and Claire

"Welcome to Holland"


By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Sunday, March 3, 2019

Five Years

We have spent five years getting ready for tomorrow.

In 2014, while seeking a second opinion on Claire's back, the orthopedic surgeon confirmed that Claire had Early Onset Scoliosis (EOS). While most of us know someone with "a little scoliosis" that they live with, Claire's form is progressive. I will never forget asking the surgeon what would happen if we just didn't do anything and let her live with a curved spine. He replied, "That isn't an option. It will crush her heart and lungs. The only thing we can do is to slow the progression as much as possible to delay surgery."

And delay we did.

Between initial diagnosis and last year, she spent almost 18 months in casts that went from her arm pits to her butt crack. When she wasn't casted, she had countless back braces. To celebrate after each cast, she got to spend as long as she wanted soaking in the bathtub.


When she wasn't dealing with that pesky surgeon trying to slow down her curve, she was busy being a kid and getting as strong as possible.

She hit 20 lbs almost exactly five years ago (3/7/14), and she celebrated with a giant bottle of champagne!! Kidding, that was me...my memory is fuzzy.



And she has spent over 1000 hours in therapy learning how to sit, walk, and ride a bike - despite having her center of gravity a bit wonky. Daddy has been gone for over a year at two deployments, but she celebrated homecomings with a trip to Disneyworld and a trip to Jamaica.  She became a big sister to Aubrey, and she is waiting for baby brother to join the party in three months.





And here we are exactly 12 hours away from spine surgery.  She is one week away from her 7th birthday, and she finally hit 30 lbs.

In 2014, there was a new technology called "MAGEC Rods" that had just been approved by the FDA.  Rather than kiddos with severe scoliosis getting cut open every 6 months to "grow" the rods - doctors now had the option of putting in a magnetic rod. Every three months, kids could go to the doctor and get a magnet run along their spine to "grow a little". We knew that was the best option for Claire, and while we waited for her to get strong enough the technology went mainstream.

Now, there's a set of rods sitting at Children's Methodist Hospital waiting for Claire to receive in the morning. We'll spend the next 4-6 years with the magnetic rods until she is big enough to have a final spinal fusion to permanently stop the progression of her scoliosis.

So, here's to the next five years...she'll be a little bit straighter, and just as much of a fighter.