Intruder

If you haven't heard, I have replaced my husband with a new significant other: my treadmill.  It fills the void in the house, keeps me entertained, and most importantly, it doesn't make a mess. This morning before the chaos of the day, we were spending some quality time together and getting caught up on missed television. When I finally couldn't procrastinate any longer and still make it to work before noon, I headed into the bathroom to get ready for the day. Suddenly, I heard a loud bang in the living room. Frantic, I grabbed the remote to turn down the television, and I listened intently from the bathroom doorway. Then, I heard the blinds on the front door banging against the door frame. By this point, I was shaking uncontrollably and thinking, "What the hell am I supposed to do and why aren't my dogs doing anything to protect me!?!?" So, logically, I ran into the hallway, still sans clothes from my shower, and flipped on the light. Yes, so the intruder could see my look of utter fear. Instead of a man in a black mask, I came face to knee with the cutest little midget squealing "Eat, eat". Apparently, in my obsessive compulsive habit of checking on the kiddos 1,000,000 times in the middle of the night, I didn't close Luke's door quite all the way. But, if an intruder ever does enter the house, the new man of the house has been practicing his martial arts skills and will keep me safe.