Our Babies

Our Babies
Luke and Claire

"Welcome to Holland"

By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Tears and Rain

Hello dear readers, it's Patrick hacking away at another blog post.  Well, today was a big day to say the least.  Today was Luke's first day at daycare!  Melissa had called the daycare to see if she could do a trial run and let them take care of Luke Friday so she could cry in peace but the front desk lady told her to save her money and since she was going to cry Monday anyway!

Monday started out normally, with the dogs waking me up to go outside, and while Melissa did a lot to prepare for this morning, she just wasn't running on time (I had  to leave early to get to the gym with my squadron).  But she got out the door and to the daycare right on time, excluding her planned Starbucks run.

Once she had handed over all of Luke's stuff (formula, diapers, etc) she was doing ok, until Luke's care provider  told her it was OK to cry....so she did a little.  But once she got on the road, she was just fine.

Work was crazy for her today, lots of new faces to meet and an old boss to calm down.  She really is the voice of reason in that place.  But we both had a lot to do, but Little Baby Dude was always on our minds....

She went to go get him and the ladies told her that Luke had been a very happy baby and didn't care who held him!  Good boy!

Once I had gotten home I asked Melissa what she was thinking for dinner and she kind of looked at me with those eyes...you know what I'm talking about fellow husbands and boyfriends.  THOSE EYES!  What I probably should have said was "Dear, my honey bunches of oats, dream of my dreams, light of my light: What candle-lit restaurant should I make a reservation for us tonight?"  That would have been acceptable.

Anyway, right then the yard sprinkler people rang the doorbell and saved me.  So I hung out with them as they fixed a few things but in the hour they were here, Melissa had made pasta and sauce, green beans, and garlic bread and plated it for the both of us.  Not only that but she had made extra so that we could have some for lunch the next few days.  Crazy.

Currently, Luke is getting put into his crib while Ralphie, the four-legged thunderstorm predictor, shakes on my lap (making typing difficult at best) so I will leave you now.  Knowing that Luke and Melissa both made it through the day unscathed.  Me too, but that's besides the point isn't it?

2 comments:

  1. UnknownJune 28, 2010 at 10:38 PM

    I'm so surprised Luke didn't mind being passed around and held by which ever person wanted him at that moment ;) Glad today went well!

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  2. Stacy RomanJune 29, 2010 at 11:55 PM

    So glad that it went well for you guys! The funny thing is that I know exactly what look you are talking about. Usually I give that look to Mark on the days weeks where I work on Thursdays...but I tend to call him and say, "Didn't take anything out for dinner...surprise me." LOL! Big hugs to the three of you!!

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