Our Babies

Our Babies
Luke and Claire

"Welcome to Holland"


By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.


I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

Saturday, February 11, 2017

A Table for Four

"How many, ma'am?"

"Four, please," I reply.

"Are you meeting someone?" the hostess asks, very confused.

"No. If I was meeting someone, then it would be a table for five. It's just us."

"Oh, wow! You sure have your hands full!" she exclaims, looking at me in disbelief that I have three kids out to dinner by myself.

"I sure do," I reply, smiling as nicely as possible during this routine exchange.

Every military spouse knows this encounter all too well. No, we do not necessarily choose to be out to dinner with kids and no spouse, but sometimes it is just better than the alternative of another meal alone at home.

-----

My kids are overly social people. Each morning, Luke asks, "Blue car? Shopping?" A child after my own heart - he always wants to be on the go. Claire squeals with delight when I set her on the couch so I can load up the wheelchair, and Aubrey frantically crawls toward the open garage door, hoping to make an escape. They know that in a few (many) minutes, we'll be loaded up, yelling "Let's jam", and taking off on our next adventure.

The best thing about little kids is that an adventure does not have to be grand. A trip to the park, Target, or the zoo are all equally exciting. Today was no exception. It was a beautiful "spring" day, so after a quick trip to Starbucks and a few hours at the zoo, it was time for lunch. We went to our local favorite, La Fonda on Main, and rather than the typical hostess encounter, Chloe ran around the counter, "Luke! Where have you been? I've missed you!". The last time we were there was maybe October, and yet we are always treated like weekly regulars.


After she walked us to our table and helped us get situated, she knelt down by Claire's wheelchair to say hello. As we sat on the patio eating and enjoying the beautiful spring day, several of our favorite waitresses stopped by to visit and see how the kids were doing. The food was delicious, and the kids were as good as gold.

Today, during that relaxing lunch, a table for four didn't seem so bad.

We'll be back to a table for five before we know it, and I know where we'll go to celebrate.







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